New mom has qualms about granny's hygiene

DEAR AMY: I am a proud mom of a beautiful, 9-week-old baby. I am blessed to have a mother-in-law who lives close by and is ready and willing to help. Family is very important to me. I'm not surprised that this huge life change has raised questions about raising children, but my mother-in-law acts very offended when I ask her to do something differently. For instance, when I asked her not to hold the pacifier in the baby's mouth when it was clear the baby did not want to take it, she asked me to leave and had my brother-in-law escort me to my car. She also does not wash her hands after changing a diaper. I am not a germ freak but I find myself cringing every time I see her touch my baby's cheek. I feel the need to ask her to wash her hands, but I am not sure how to do this without offending her. I have a hard time dealing with this "my way or the highway" attitude; but I refuse to deny her time with her grandchild. How can I ask for my mother-in-law to practice basic hygiene with my child without hurting our relationship?New Mom

DEAR MOM: According to you, your mother-in-law basically threw you out of the house for making a simple suggestion -- and you went back in for more.

These extended family relationships are important, but you are a mom now and your priority should be to advocate for your baby, who can't defend herself against germs -- or aggressive grannies.

Here's how you should handle the hand-washing question: " 'Gran,' could you do me a favor and remember to wash your hands after you change the baby? I'm worried about germs." If your mother-in-law has an alternate idea, suggestion or point of view, listen respectfully.

If you find yourself escorted off the property, you should not bring your baby back until you receive assurance that other family members will respect you and your husband's reasonable wishes.