Figueroa-Levin: Feel like a big man racing on your little bike?

Every night, it seems, there are motorcycle and dirt bike drag races somewhere in the city. Many of these bikers remove their mufflers, and the loud noise wakes people up in nearby buildings. The riders pop wheelies and do stunts while tooling around, causing traffic problems and car accidents.

After the unfortunate death of one such biker trying to outrun a police car last summer, the NYPD stopped chasing them, according to the New York Post. They try to confiscate illegal bikes when they find them (not moving), but apparently there isn't much they can do while the dangerous racing is going on.

There's a lot of hate on these bikers in my neighborhood, from people who don't like being awakened at all hours. But we shouldn't hate them.

We should take pity on these poor, unfortunate motorcycle drag racers. They are so insecure about themselves that they need to remove their mufflers so that everyone in a 10-block radius knows they are passing. They must be illiterate as well. Otherwise they would read the clearly posted traffic signs. And they clearly don't know their colors, because they can't seem to differentiate between red for stop and green for go.

I'm sorry your mind isn't running on all cylinders, but surely you can scrape together enough brain cells to realize your little motorized bicycle games aren't impressing anybody. Loudly and dangerously riding your bikes around like Broadway is your own personal racetrack doesn't make you cool. It makes you a loser. A loser announcing to the neighborhood that you have no regard for the people around you.

When the NYPD confiscates these bikes, they should hand out driving directions to one of the dirt bike racing facilities in the area, so the bikers can take their racing somewhere legal and less deadly to their neighbors.

So next time you see (or are awakened by) these bikers, remember they have low self-esteem. Their puny little legs must not be able to pedal a manual bike -- keep that in mind before you curse them and their motorcycles.

These moronic racers rarely wear helmets, too. I can understand that at least -- there isn't much in their heads that warrants protecting. Speed on, my brethren. Uncle Darwin loves you.

Rachel Figueroa-Levin tweets as @Jewyorican, @EveryGentrifier and @ElBloombito.