No. 1 job complaint? I don't have one!

The economic news last week had practical effects on real people's lives.

Personally, I was hoping to retire at 111. Now, according to my closing-bell calculations at the end of the week, that's been pushed back at least to 129.

Who wants to quit working anyway? Sitting on the couch is boring. Oprah's not even on anymore.

It used to be people complained all the time about having to work. My supervisor's mean to me! My hours stink! I haven't had a raise since Joe Namath practiced in Hempstead. Now, there are only two things anyone ever says about a job. How can I get one? And how can I keep mine?

And those two questions are too often answered with blank stares. However you count them, there aren't enough jobs to go around.

This week as most weeks, fingers were being pointed in all different directions: at the Democratic president, the Republicans in Congress, at the clueless Europeans, at the plunderers on Wall Street.

No doubt all of them bear some blame.

We used to speak about a "new normal" after 9/11 when it came to homeland security. Well, a "new normal" may be gripping the economy now.

Work if you're able to. Be grateful that you do. And if you can possibly help it, don't ever, ever stop.

KEEP WORKING

1. Shuffleboard is boring.

2. Naps are no fun.

3. Hammocks often cause back strain.

4. If Jerry Lewis is still working, shouldn't I be too? Oh, never mind.

5. I'd miss seeing how many taxes get taken out of my check.

ASKED AND UNANSWERED: Do Tasers work on dogs? Would a couple of zaps have stopped that lunging pit bull on South Street in Oyster Bay? . . . How do you toast 9.1 percent unemployment? It's better than 9.2? . . . Is all sports memorabilia fake? Another big dealer's been busted, this time over a $3,015.07 A-Rod jersey from his Mariners days . . . Where did American Standard Testing (the former New Hyde Park concrete testers, not the famous toilet makers) learn its lab techniques? From the Nassau police? . . . Is Long Island becoming the scam capital of New York? Another 14 busted for mortgage fraud, $58 million worth . . . The LI Music Hall of Fame is moving into a bank? Whose idea was that? Eddie Money's? . . . What ingenious body shop put "hidy-holes" in luxury cars for that alleged LI-LA bicoastal coke ring? Those guys must be great at fixing dings and dents . . . How'd you like to be Jimmy McMillan's landlord? At $872 for a one-bedroom on gentrified St. Mark's Place, wouldn't you be shouting back at him: "The rent is too damn LOW!"?

LONG ISLANDER OF THE WEEK: PHIL DATZ

The news doesn't gather itself. Even in the Internet age, reporters and photographers, correspondents and camera operators, must go out and bring the stories in. Phil Datz, a 34-year-old photojournalist with the Stringer News Service who lives in Valley Stream, is one of those who does. He was covering a police chase that ended in a crash in Bohemia. A sergeant took offense, and Datz ended up in handcuffs. Someone didn't understand the concept of public streets. Quickly, the Press Club howled. The police backed down. And an important principle was preserved at least for now: Unless the news is gathered, no one will know what's going on.

Email ellis@henican.com

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