Pushy people aren't stopped by subtlety

DEAR AMY: I'm hosting a surprise birthday lunch for my mom at a nice restaurant. I invited six friends of hers. One of them is "Jane," whom I barely know. I mailed out invitations. Two days later, I got a call from her saying, "You don't care if I bring my granddaughter, do you?" I was floored. I tried to explain that I just wanted a small group of my mother's friends. Her response was, "Well, my granddaughter knows everyone, so it won't be a problem." I said I could only afford to pay for so many. Her response was, "We'll pay for her." She had to know I didn't want this teen coming. I'm livid. Am I wrong to think that when you invite people to something, they should know it means just them? How do I handle this?Distressed Hostess

DEAR DISTRESSED: When dealing with pushy people, hints don't work. You supplied "Jane" with all sorts of excuses and mutable-sounding reasons her granddaughter wasn't welcome, which she could easily bulldoze over. All you have to say is, "No kids are included, so that's not going to work."

When Jane responds, "That won't be a problem," you have to say very firmly, "Actually, that would be a problem. Let me know if you'll be able to make it. If you can't, Mom will really miss you."

DEAR AMY: In a recent response to "Jimmy" you compared being with someone who is on a cell phone to being with someone who is reading a book while you're trying to converse. Perhaps you've inadvertently suggested a solution to this problem. The next time a companion pulls out a cell phone, pull out a book and start reading. When the person is finished with her phone, let her watch you read for a while.Tired of Texting

DEAR TIRED: Pulling out a newspaper (helpfully opened to this column) might also get the message across that people who do this are bad company.