Quick! How can she get nail biter to quit?

DEAR AMY: I have been in a relationship with a man for 14 years. When I first met him, he was trying to quit biting his nails and I was very proud of him for trying to overcome this habit. Unfortunately, he was never able to quit. Now that I have been living with him for many years, I find this habit extremely bothersome. He is 64, and at his age, especially, this is extremely unattractive. It is to the point now that just sitting next to him, even in public venues, is aggravating because of his fingers constantly being in his mouth, and the crunching sound is at times unbearable. My sexual attraction to him, mostly because of this habit, has totally gone. His nails are almost nonexistent. All have been bitten off well past the quick. Any mention of this habit and perhaps getting help sends him into an anxiety attack. Any ideas on how to address this without offending?Worried

DEAR WORRIED: If the mere suggestion of help or change brings on an anxiety attack, then you know that the anxiety -- more even than the offensive habit -- is the issue. Behavioral therapy (possibly along with medication) could change his life.

There are probably dozens of techniques or remedies for quitting nail biting -- but if the underlying issue isn't dealt with, then any success will be short-lived.

Partners who struggle with someone else's unhealthy habit (overeating, smoking or drinking) can only reflect their own concern and tell their own truth.

Your truth is, "I love you. You've struggled with this for as long as I've known you, but I'm so worried because it seems to be getting worse. I think that perhaps you can tackle this with professional help, so would you agree to try?"

You can expect your guy to react defensively, but if you are calm, consistent and understanding, your relationship could improve -- even if this habit continues.