Rebuilding trust after husband cheated

DEAR AMY: My husband had an emotional affair with a co-worker, and although he said it was over, I later found out that it was not. Now he claims it is definitely over and has given me access to all of his e-mail, phone records, etc. Most of the time I believe him because I see a difference in him. He is more like his "old self." I hate checking up on him, but will I ever stop being suspicious? I fear that I am becoming bitter and unable to let go of my anger. Sometimes I'm afraid that I don't love him - that is what scares me the most. How do I begin to trust, respect and love him again?

--Wanting to Let Go

DEAR WANTING: You will begin to trust, respect and love your husband again, but you will have to take this process one painful day at a time.

And you will have to take this journey with the very person you may want to avoid - your husband.

You may not enjoy policing his e-mail and cell phone. If this causes you pain, then stop.

Then you will have to consciously decide to trust him.

And then, eventually, you will trust him.

Absolute transparency between you two is necessary. Be honest with him about your anger and sadness. He in turn must be honest with you about his interior needs and feelings. He needs to apologize and you should forgive him.

A professional counselor will help you sort through his betrayal and your reaction to it.

DEAR AMY: I have twins whose birthday is in January. In the past, we were overwhelmed with toys and presents. Last year, we asked that the kids coming to their party bring something that they made themselves. The attendees were so proud of what they made, and my kids loved the drawings, ceramic plates and especially some homemade muffins.

--Anne

DEAR ANNE: This is a fantastic idea. I love it.