Refocus relationship with step-granddaughter

DEAR AMY: My son dated and subsequently married a divorced woman with a daughter, "Chelsea," who is now 13. When we became aware of this child in his life, we sent her $100 gifts for her birthday (late October) and for Christmas. We've done this for the past five years. My son is the CPA for a famous band, so we get to see Chelsea each December when the band performs in our hometown - by which time she has received both gifts. We have never been thanked for these gifts. In fact, the girl totally ignored us at the concert this year, even though she was talking to her uncles not 3 feet away from us! The blatant lack of respect bothered me so much that I asked my son to address the problem with his wife, but he angrily told me not to give any more gifts if I expected to get thanked. I raised my son to always thank a person for a gift. Usually, a card was sent. I really love my daughter-in-law and don't want to cause any problems.Disrespected

DEAR DISRESPECTED: Try to see this from "Chelsea's" point of view.

She is at a high-octane concert with other relatives when two people she barely knows stand not 3 feet away. She thinks these people are her stepdad's parents, but she sees them only once a year. And she doesn't know what to call them (is it "Mr. and Mrs. Martin"?), so she's not sure how to strike up a conversation.

Oh, and she's 13, so every single situation makes her uncomfortable.

I agree with you that the parents should smooth things out here, but they're not doing their job and you're making things worse.

You should stop focusing on your gifts and start trying to figure out how to get to know her. That way, when she sees you, she will be able to greet you and pay you some much-needed attention.