Relationship with son shouldn't be based on money

DEAR AMY: My 24-year-old son, the product of a broken marriage, used to contact me only when he needed money. He hasn't appreciated the sacrifices I've made to keep child support current and the fact that I set up a college fund for him at a young age. He squandered his first two years at college, dropped out and got a job to pay off his credit card debt. Last year, he decided to go back to school and has since used up his college fund, lying to me about how the funds were used. I told him that when the money's gone, that's it - no more. He never acknowledges Father's Day or my birthday but is quick to remind me of his birthday and Christmas. Last Christmas, he wanted me to buy him a laptop. He said I could afford it easier than his mother because she has BMW payments to make. I, weary of this lack of respect, have stopped calling him and he, me. Now he is calling my brother and mother, wanting a family reunion, which would be uncomfortable for me. Should I go?

Disrespected DadDEAR DAD: So far, your relationship revolves around money. When parents divorce, depending on how they conduct themselves - and in the absence of other connections - it happens. Your son is now a grown man. You have turned off the cash spigot.

Now you have an opportunity to forge a new relationship based on something other than your respective bank balances.

He is reaching out to family members, and that's a good thing. You should clear the slate, show up at this reunion and approach your son with an open mind and an open heart.

Money is off the table, so now you can get to know this young man. Ask him questions and let him tell you about himself.

Don't bring up money. If he asks you for money, say, "I'm not going to do that, but if you want to toss around some ideas about how you might raise funds, I'd be happy to talk to you about it."