Remember ex's son's birthday, for sure

DEAR AMY:I broke up with a boyfriend of four years. He has a son (he has custody every other weekend) who will be 10. I met his son when he was a toddler and have seen him regularly and I would like to send a birthday card. Would it be weird? Can it be construed as an attempt to try to be "with" the ex? The breakup was his idea. I don't want this boy to think I have forgotten him -- or his birthday. Is it OK for me to send him a card or cash, or should I avoid this issue?

--Wondering

DEAR WONDERING: You should send the boy a card. This birthday is about him, not about you or your relationship with your ex. Birthdays are very important -- because you are basically celebrating someone's very existence.

You cannot control how this gesture is construed, nor should you spend too much time worrying about it.

If you want to give this boy a gift, don't send cash, send him an age-appropriate book. Many boys don't have enough books in their lives.

DEAR AMY: My wife's best friend is getting remarried and is planning a $50,000 wedding. We are all in our early 60s. I am retired, and my wife and I are comfortable but not well-off. My opinion is they should not be remortgaging the house to do this and should be saving for retirement, but it is not for me to say how other people should spend their money. My wife is in the wedding party and is expected to stay two nights at an expensive wedding resort. We're looking at spending $1,000. What's your advice?

--Sensible Senior

DEAR SENSIBLE: As you say, it is not for you to judge other people's financial choices.

Put this event in the category of other non-necessary spending (e.g., golfing weekends or bird-watching trips); in my view, if you can afford it and your wife really wants to attend, you should.