Resents sister's choice to relinquish baby

DEAR AMY: My youngest sister is a junior in college and is pregnant. She is on friendly terms with the baby's father, but she is not in a relationship with him, nor does she want to be. My sister and the baby's father decided to give their child up for adoption and quickly found an interested couple. I understand that being 21 and finding yourself pregnant is probably not ideal, but our parents are well off. None of us has the burden of student loans, and in a year my sister will graduate. I explained that, as a mother myself, I did not understand how she could give her child away. My kids are all in school now, and I would be more than happy to watch her baby while she is taking college courses. I know our parents would help with the finances. I cannot understand why she is choosing adoption when she has family support. I think she is being a bit entitled. After all, she got herself into this mess. It doesn't seem fair that she just gets to put the child up for adoption and resume her life. How can I impress to her that she can -- and should -- take more responsibility for her actions?Upset Sister

DEAR SISTER: As an experienced parent, you may not understand or agree with your sister's choice, but you should respect her right to make it, even if you find it baffling or abhorrent. You already have conveyed to her that you think she is being a spoiled brat. You already have told her that she is giving her child away.

Your sister's feelings about this decision will likely cycle through many stages.

When someone is unsure, the best way to persuade is not to pressure her but to ask open-ended questions, listen to the answers and do your best to help her consider the short- and long-term consequences.

I assume you've considered adopting the child yourself. This might be a positive solution. If she doesn't want to do this, encourage her to go through the process carefully and legally, using a reputable agency and with professional counseling.