Rules for live-in adult children

DEAR AMY: Our son came back to live in our home three years ago, after completing his PhD. He has living quarters on the lower level of our home. He is 30 years old and we feel he should have some privacy, so he can come and go as he pleases. He helps his father out around the house when asked, but he does not contribute to the house fund. However, he does buy food every now and then. We do not need his money, so we are comfortable with the way things are financially. The only thing we have asked of him is that when a friend comes over, we would like him to introduce the friend to us out of respect. Are we old-fashioned? He says that when you introduce a woman to the family, it is basically saying you are in a serious relationship. Is this the new rule? What do you think?Curious Parents

DEAR PARENTS: Your son is referring to a long-established convention: the idea of "bringing someone home to meet the folks." This implies that a romantic relationship is serious -- serious enough, anyway, to travel somewhere for the express purpose of introducing a friend to the 'rents.

However, when you are a 30-year-old living in your parents' basement, bringing someone home to meet the folks doesn't imply anything about your romantic relationship. It simply means you have wandered into an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond." Your son may tell dates that the older couple shouting, "Yoo hoo," from the upper window of his bachelor pad are the caretakers on his modest estate. And you are, in a way.

He might be embarrassed to reveal that he is living with Mom and Dad.

I agree that he should show you the respect to introduce visitors to you, but he sounds like someone who has had very little asked of him, so it is not surprising that he is refusing this small courtesy.