Set boundaries for your selfish cousin

DEAR AMY: I have a cousin who has been close to me throughout the years. He considers me a "brother." The problem is that my cousin can be very selfish. I am in the military and when I was away for training, I came home and found that most of my clothes were missing! On top of that, on my first night out at home, I found myself stuck with the bill. I try to find the best in him, but he continues to be a selfish individual. He constantly brags about his girlfriend by sending out risque photos of her. Lately, he only contacts me to see if he can borrow from my collection of sports jerseys. How can I make him see the light?Cousin Clash

DEAR COUSIN: First of all, if your cousin is now contacting you and asking permission to borrow something (rather than taking it without permission), then I'd say you've made progress. Otherwise, he sounds like a jerk.

It is not your job to change him and make him into a better person -- only to insist on basic boundaries and lay down some consequences when he violates these boundaries. (One consequence would be your reluctance to hang with him if his behavior doesn't improve.) Many people have obnoxious family members. The challenge is to accept that you might not choose your family member as a friend, but you might have to tolerate him in limited doses.

When the boundaries are delineated and (mainly) respected, it is easier to tolerate those personality traits that you cannot change.

DEAR AMY: "Lee" reported that her hairdresser acknowledged holiday gifts from clients with a Post-it note addressed to all of her customers, thanking them. Of course, all clients should be thanked individually, but I suggest this public Post-it actually has another purpose: to let her clients know that gifts are expected.In the Know

DEAR KNOW: Whoa. Crafty.