She can't abide her counsin's fiance

DEAR AMY: My cousin and I were very close until she started dating a guy I don't like and don't want to spend time with.

He participates in illegal behaviors, has made inappropriate comments regarding my life decisions and has been incredibly rude at family gatherings. Other family members, including her mother and sister, have spoken with her and tried to explain that this man is no good, but she professes that he is the best and has made her "happier than ever." I have not said anything to her about him but have more or less ceased contact with her because I dislike this man so strongly and do not want to have his behavior influence my life. Is this something I should discuss with her, or do you just let people make their own mistakes when choosing spouses? They plan to wed this summer. What is appropriate wedding behavior in a situation like this? How do I act congratulatory when I feel this match is so very wrong? Close Cousin

DEAR COUSIN: Keeping your distance is understandable, but if you were very close to your cousin before, then you should step up and explain yourself.

If other family members have weighed-in on this union, you can register your concern by saying, "I know other people have expressed their concerns about your relationship, and I have concerns, too. I want the very best for you." This is a fairly neutral statement, and if she chooses to ask you specific questions, you should answer them honestly.

The appropriate way to behave at a wedding, regardless of the situation, is to be a good and gracious guest. If you choose to attend the wedding, you must not gossip about or express your displeasure about the groom.

Your presence will show support to the bride, and even if you don't like the groom, you should hope for the success of the marriage -- because a truly successful marriage will change both parties for the better.