Should in-law in the guesthouse pitch in?

DEAR AMY: Eight years ago, I invited my wife's father to come live on the farm with us.

We have a guesthouse across the meadow that we have given him rent-free. He has a great pension and healthy savings, yet never pitches in for little things like graveling the road, having some trees cut, etc.

I am starting to become resentful. Should I be?Disheartened Son-in-LawDEAR DISHEARTENED: You are a very generous person. You gave your father-in-law a valuable gift -- and now you resent the fact that he accepted it.

Your responsibility is to do what you can so you can have an open, respectful and resent-free relationship.

He might be socking his pennies away for an inheritance to you and your wife or for grandchildren. Or he might be playing online Texas Hold 'em over there across the meadow.

The point is that he might have less money than you think.

Or, he might be extremely aware of his role in your life and on your property and not want to interfere with something as important as the infrastructure on your land or the trees that surround it.

You and your wife should talk this through with the goal of giving him the opportunity to assume a greater stake in the upkeep of your property (which is now his home, too).

Your approach should be straightforward and open-minded. You ask, "Pops, I'm thinking this road needs 10 truckloads of gravel before next winter. It's going to cost $4,000. Are you able to take over that expense?" You might increase his emotional stake in your place if you also ask him to supervise the job (if he is able and if you want).

If he demurs, then you should simply tell him the value of the annual rent and ask that he contribute toward it.

Then treat it as a friendly negotiation.