Single File: Got it? Don't flaunt it

DEAR SUSAN: In my mind, "flaunting" is less about what you have than it is about how you act and talk about it. You can have a killer bod yet not constantly put it on display or talk endlessly about the number of sit-ups you do. Smart people, regardless of gender, should not flaunt their higher earning power or otherwise act as if it reflects their worth as a person. The biggest demerit goes to those singles who believe their greater earning power gives them greater say in their relationships.

-- From the Single File blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Good point! It used to be that the coupled man wore the mantle of earning power because he brought in the gelt. But the wheel has turned away from that inequity, toward the woman whose earning power is a significant part of the family income. The suddenness of it has found both sexes unprepared to handle it with grace. It is going to take time for women to handle their newfound earning power with grace and men to find their way in this new relationship design. It won't be easy, and it won't run smoothly. Shining a light into the dark recesses of gender relatedness is the surest way to make room for the new relatedness and reduce its stranglehold. Out with the old, in with the new. Flaunting is for the insecure.

DEAR SUSAN: I have been a political junkie since grade school and started working on campaigns long before I was eligible to vote. I cannot imagine sharing my life with someone whose politics were radically different from my own -- or who didn't care at all about politics.

-- From the Single File blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Personal values are embodied in our choice of candidates, because each one of them represents a whole spectrum of them. So it's only logical that political choices reflect our own. If neither partner cares very much about politics or political issues, no problem. The messy stuff occurs when one partner is as deeply enmeshed in the political world as you. Then, no holds barred. The core values, deeply entrenched, can be a litmus test for the flexibility so necessary when sharing a life. It seems to me that the respect shown to each other when disagreeing is the most crucial issue of all. Politics is as good a battleground as any to uncover unpleasant emotions and test one's own feelings toward the prospective partner. Universal agreement on all issues isn't nearly so important as the overarching respect shown while disagreeing. It takes largesse to agreeably disagree. That, to me, is the core element of any relationship friction.