Single File: Male rants not about nice guys

DEAR SUSAN: Most men use the term "nice guy" to mean a guy who likes opening doors for you, helping you move and picking up your child from the baby sitter or a guy who likes to buy you gifts and take you on vacation. Usually, a "nice guy" is defined by women as "boring and predictable." The male rants on your blog don't come from recent rejections; they come from men with a history of being dumped for a guy who isn't so nice. But oftentimes when a "nice guy" is rejected, it turns out to be a blessing.

From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: This is an age thing. Twenty-something women (girls, really) buzz the slouchiest cool-nik, drawn by his seemingly casual admiration. Then, when they begin to experience this really bad boy and discover the emptiness of his baby-blue gaze -- and his true nastiness -- their pursuit slows down and they start to look around and appreciate the nice men in their lives. It's really not so simple as that -- there are plenty of tears and broken promises along the way -- but the personal growth they begin to experience starts to bend them in the direction of niceness, toward a man who is truly a friend. They start to appreciate a man they can talk with, a well-wisher who sincerely wants good things for them and makes efforts to help them get where they want to be -- wherever that may be. This maturation usually doesn't ripen until the 20s are history; the blossoming into womanhood -- the epiphany of a lifetime -- tends to occur near the middle of a woman's 30s. Nice guys, listen up. There's an older woman in your future.

DEAR SUSAN: It's clear (to me, at least) that what you're saying to us is that people aren't cut from the same mold; everyone is different. If romance were simple, wouldn't we all have romances and no need for advice columnists? We fall in love with human beings; all of them are flawed, have quirks, come with baggage, have different opinions and experiences, and constantly grow and change as they age. So a successful romance must understand that from the very beginning and be ready to adapt and adjust as life happens. That's why communication ends up being such a key ingredient. Couples who can talk can make it through the curveballs that life throws. But it doesn't do any good to disparage others' choices when you don't know their circumstances. That way lies madness.

From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Resilience is probably the most important key to an interesting, relatively smooth life. (Easy to say, tough to carry out.) Life's events are relentless, so we need elasticity to bend and sway with it. A wise man once told me that when life knocks you down (and it certainly will), every time you get up you'll be that much stronger. Bear with it; roll with the punches; don't ever let life decide your destiny. It's your life, every minute of it. You are the chairman of the board, nominated and elected. Your life is the sum of your choices.