Single File: Nice guys don't really finish last

DEAR SUSAN: From what I see in the singles playground, women fall for the phony rat who talks his phony line and acts cool. What chance does a nice guy like me have?

-- From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Like many good guys, you walk around the unmarried world convinced that women go for the bad guys -- that the desirable wenches are easy prey for slick operators, with their studied opening line and the right amount of slouch. (Women, too, are constantly having hopes dashed by the Playboy-pretty ones who seem to have a different admirer every night of the week.) Well, I'm here to refute all that stuff as fiction and speak truth quietly. In the long run, friends, like attracts like; good people attract each other, and rats get the rats.

But if you're about shortening the long run, do yourself a favor and be the person you seek. And if you're up for another gem, don't fall for the line that nice people/men are dull. Show your true colors by having definite opinions (and voicing them), staying current with the news, cultivating interests. And for Pete's sake, don't be afraid of saying the wrong thing! A good personality in no way diminishes your niceness. And that's true for both genders. Any questions?

DEAR SUSAN: Can you help me out? A while ago, you wrote a column about the good operational characteristics of a relationship. But my hard drive tanked and took the bookmark with it.

-- From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Space being at a premium, let's forgo the surplus and start. Ask yourself: Can I be myself with this person? (This is a killer.) Do we see the future pretty much the same way and have similar goals? How will I feel when sex loses its initial excitement? How sure am I that this is the person I want to be with for the rest of my life? How do I feel about living together for a short while to test our compatibility? How sure am I that this person will be my life partner? Do I truly like, as well as love, this person? Is this person grounded, centered, solid?