Single File: Run away from jealous partner

DEAR SUSAN: I've been seeing my current beau for over three years. He has never been married. I am divorced with no children. He admits being jealous and possessive because I work in a male-dominated field. (He doesn't like the fact that I know so many men when we attend business functions.) We enjoy each other's company and do love each other. He regrets never having children and wants to try surrogacy or adoption, assuming we do marry. The issue that concerns him is my job; he doesn't think he can stand another year of my working where I do. But in a year, I'll collect a full pension. If I leave earlier, I must wait seven years to collect. He's offered me an option of marrying now and putting money in a trust in case the marriage goes south. I told him he should try to cope, but his answer is to choose between marriage and a pension. What is your take?

From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Mine is a huge takeaway. That is to say, take him as far as possible from your life, your job, your future. Everything you tell me about your suitor is a reason he should not be your husband. This fellow is jealous of your friends at work, your pension (stay the course and fulfill your time to collect) and everything that might come between you and him. The reason he has never married is clear: He's not a good partner for an extended relationship. There it is, as clear as I can make it. This man isn't fit to be a spouse or a father. And somewhere deep inside himself, he knows that to be true. If you value your freedom and your sanity, take him away. Far away.

DEAR SUSAN: In your book "Single File," you offer ways the reader can become a more sensitive lover. Being single, I'm interested in knowing about my own pleasure points.

From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Once you've tackled the issue of safety in the bedroom, you're balancing practical needs with romantic expectations and so are ready to move into the many-pleasured realm of fulfillment. By now, you're further along in understanding your own pockets of pleasure, which will make you a more sensitive lover. When you're sensitive to your own stirrings, it's easier to be sensitive to your lover's. But sexual self-knowledge is a beginning, not an end in itself, to be extended into better understanding of your partner. Until it is, you won't achieve the spiritual union that love can deliver. Something to think about, no?