Single File: She's not speechless, but she talks less

DEAR SUSAN: Women do talk too much. I've certainly always been chatty, but I've changed after falling in love with a man who has got to be the No. 1 introvert. I've learned how to be quiet except when it's meaningful, because he's a very good listener when I'm talking about specific things. He listens closely to them, even when the subject isn't a "male" thing, such as sports or beer or money. I've discovered that a very good way to get in the habit of thinking first is to write my thoughts and evaluate them before putting them into spoken words. The next phase is to weed out the random thoughts and keep the ones that matter. In fact, I've gotten so good at thinking before speaking that the written part is almost unnecessary. It's taken a while to get to this point, though.

Sondra Jean, Long IslandDEAR SONDRA JEAN:Abundant chatter has been the downfall of many a woman, in this era and before. Why is it we don"t seem to understand that the veil of mystery - verbal, visual, unspoken and otherwise - must be protected if a relationship is to survive the battering of time? That a mindless flood of chatter is its sure death? That the mind is the largest sex organ in the body and that once the mind has lost its appeal, the end is a sure thing? And don't for one tiny moment think that this is a pitfall solely for us womenfolk. Men can dispel the illusion of hunk-dom, too, when they open their mouths and nothing much comes out. The sad truth? A truly handsome profile (male or female) can quickly lose appeal when accompanied by a conversation built on trivia. (The opposite is equally true: Someone of merely average looks can elicit heat by a thoughtful opinion bolstered by a quiet demeanor.) Yep. Mind games can be deceitful, manipulative and electrifying. Your introverted beau has turned you on to some very important lessons. And you've been a very good student. Bravo.

DEAR SUSAN: I agree that women enjoy sex as much as men do. Nymphos have expressed to me (in hotel rooms) how much fun it is. Sex releases chemicals, allowing us to laugh at the scene, and the woman who thinks (from the Victorian era) that sex is a gift from woman to man is wrong and much too serious about the whole thing. Things that are taken too seriously must make us laugh.

Frank F., Moline, Ill.

DEAR FRANK: And also sigh. Sigh for the unspoken, the undone, the unexpressed longings. Most of all, for the rigidity that finds its way into sex with someone like that, who simply is unable (or refuses) to go with the moment and give herself up to the most wonderful flow of chemicals ever devised. But mainly, it's the possibility that two souls can find oneness that can raise sex to the wondrous level of spiritual communion. How very sad for anyone settling for less.