Single File: Take time before investing fully

DEAR SUSAN: A fellow blogger was absolutely right in saying that four months is a long time to correspond via a dating site without meeting up. I suspect that the man in question is not single as he says, and perhaps he never was. People shouldn't rush to invest so much hope in a relationship with so little time and information behind it. As you say, Susan, one should wait until someone has proved he or she is worth that hope with something more than words on a screen.

From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: The best survival rate in a world of soaring hopes and bitter disappointments (aka the life of an unmarried person) is among those men and women who monitor (and guard) their emotional balance. That balance needs to be maintained at all times if euphoria and bitterness are to be kept at bay and one's life is to stay relatively calm. Translated into single-speak, over time the thoughtful single learns to steer an even keel, moderating those soaring hopes and avoiding that bitter disappointment. It's perfectly normal to go about one's world with an eye out for some delectable someone in the throughput of a daily routine, but that someone must withstand the test of time before he or she deserves your full heart. The way to avoid those extremes in one's life is to create your personal world with good people and satisfying work. The more of those you can put into your personal world the less likely you are to pin blind hopes prematurely on an untested relationship. Think about it. Then get to work.

DEAR SUSAN: You've talked about singles who create their own "families" with close friends, but a man who's getting a lot of attention on the "Single File" blog doesn't mention any. Everything he describes is about a solo life without interaction. (He doesn't even mention a pet!) It's possible for friends to develop traditions or routines -- brunch the third Sunday of the month, splitting a pair of tickets to the local theater group or to a sporting event. But for him, it's home to work and back again. I agree with you, Susan, that it sounds as if this particular blogger isn't celebrating himself as much as he is shutting out people. And all he talks about is finding love.

From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Seeing as the most effective way to find love is by expanding the number of involvements in your life, it's only logical to increase actively the number of options and possibilities in life while remaining alert for interesting candidates. This game plan makes life more enjoyable and livable in the present yet, at the same time, keeps optimism alive. Strange thing, when you make friends with your singleness, you are edging toward readiness to add another person to your life. The serenity and contentment of being fulfilled are strong attractions. Singleness is his current reality, so it would make sense for him to explore its advantages and make the most of them. Being single is an option, an alternative, not necessarily better or inferior. It is better than being legally tied to someone you don't like, however, because it brings freedom. The challenge? Use it well.