Single File: Time to take a vacation from dating

DEAR SUSAN: I'm 40 and have been single (again) for 15 years. The men I'd like to know better never feel the same about me. Only the "creeps" seem interested. I won't go to bars, but have tried blind dates set up by friends. Nothing works. Jennifer D., Long Island

DEAR JENNIFER: Then stop trying. Turn off the automatic pilot that keeps your life focused on the absurdity of dating and start to explore the rest of life. At 40, you've seen enough first dates and high hopes - and dashed optimism - to put yourself into reverse and back away from the dating scene. This may sound radical, but it's really quite simple.

Tell your friends you have sworn off dating for a while and are replacing it with activities that spell enjoyment, such as volunteering or higher education. How you spend your free time (meaning no first-date agony, no phony chitchat, no sleepless nights) is up to you. Think of the time you'll gain and the "creeps" you'll be deleting. Try being the person you're happy with, the woman who's enjoying her life. See how that stacks up against the 24-hour man-hunting safari.

DEAR SUSAN: I'm a single mom with a 1-year-old boy. The guy I'm dating loves my son and considers himself "Daddy." That part's great, but my guy doesn't understand the responsibility of having a child. I live with my mom, and he thinks I can leave my child with her at the drop of a hat. He never wants to take him with us because it takes too long to get him ready to go out. I love this man and really want this to work. How do I get him to understand the responsibility of having a child, while we're still living in separate households? Katie K., Portland, Ore.

DEAR KATIE: Wanting this man to mature doesn't cut it. He's too young to realize what it means to be a father - and you're on the spot. Before your son gets much older, the closeness to the quasi-daddy figure needs to be diluted or terminated. You need to assume responsibility for the happiness of your son, and that means weighing the decision to stop the relationship. The child might be better off without a "daddy" who comes and goes in his life than having his hopes rise and fall with this man's appearance. It seems Daddy just wants the title, not the grunt work. Changing diapers and dressing for an outing are infinitesimal chores compared with dealing with teenage angst - and more. A parent is always a parent; there's no timeout, no vacation from this caring responsibility. From what you say, this fellow just isn't ready. Whatever you do, don't move in together. Danger signals are everywhere.