Single File: Time to yourself is time well spent

DEAR SUSAN: I truly appreciated your column on spending time wisely. I've been divorced for two months after a separation of two years and a marriage of 20 years. I have three children. Two are at college, and my 16-year-old daughter is still at home. Adding to the many changes in my life is a long-desired master's degree. Lately, I've been dabbling in the online dating arena and have met a few nice, interesting men, only to have things fall apart after the first two or three dates. Despite all the advice given to me by friends and family, I've found myself thinking compulsively about having a partner. This column has been so helpful, reminding me that I already have a wonderful life and can use my time any way I choose and that I'm far better off using it in ways that allow me to become more familiar with and to nurture this person that I am.

Rhonda F., Long IslandDEAR RHONDA:Some kudos goes to yours truly, but the real praise must go to you. My words have power only when they are put into action. And it's your decision to use your personal power to do just that. The same can be said for your sincere appreciation of the life you have, choosing to count its blessings. In a way, it's easier to choose the downbeat path and see the world darkly. It takes gumption and effort to defy those demons. You're taking the road less traveled and reaping the rewards. Believe me, that choice will become part of your personality and is bound to have positive effects in your personal universe, especially when it comes to your most precious possession: time. This single space in your life can teach you not to stuff precious moments with meaningless clutter - people and projects - and that time with self can indeed have great meaning.

DEAR SUSAN: I'm a regular reader and want to confirm Jimmy's comments about height issues. I recently scanned 200 women on Match.com, and they all require their ideal mate to be between 5-foot-5 and 6-foot-10. I measure by the yardstick at just 5 feet tall. I'm 50, but I look much younger. However, women have always avoided me because of this "handicap." Is it possible that women equate tall men with larger hard drives? (I'm training to be a computer engineer, so excuse the wit.)

Archie A., Portland, Ore.DEAR ARCHIE: Women out there in Readerland, fess up. Is the reason biological? Is a man no more than the sum of his parts? Is his worth/character/

integrity measured in inches - a k a height, sexual prowess. When you need a shoulder to lean on, is he too short to qualify? Do glances from the crowd matter when he's a great guy and the two of you harmonize so well? C'mon, ladies. Do me proud and give the short man a break. A good man is the best friend you can have, and height has nothing to do with it. Men short on humor, on smiling, on sharing need not apply. All the rest are fair game.