Single File: You can change your life

DEAR SUSAN: Around the age of 30, I was so beaten up by serial relationships with emotionally abusive bad boys that I took stock and decided I wasn't going to put myself through that ever again. I reflected on what attracted me to these guys and why I was so willing to stay in relationships that were, by my estimate, 5 percent bliss and 95 percent heartbreak. I gave myself a real break, moved across the country and decided to change my life and my ways when it came to romance. I was still young and still very attractive. The bad boy who in the past couldn't commit suddenly wanted to marry me, but I knew he was full of it. Mere months later, in my new city and my new job, I met the great guy I've been married to for more than 25 years. You can change your life.

From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: But it takes guts to change. After you realize you're headed in the wrong direction, the will to be happy must kick in. Not always available, that will must be tapped. And strengthened.

As inspiring as your story is, not all of us can pick up and move cross-country, find a new job and start fresh in a new city. Staying put in the same-old, same-old job and town can also pay off -- when you opt to take an inner journey with a trusted counselor who helps you recognize and change long-standing patterns that have been keeping you from the life you want and deserve. Somehow, in the counselor's room of truth, the fog of uncertainty lifts, and the fears that have been limiting your choices for so long are exposed for what they are: self-created, self-imposed and entirely disposable. Think about the gap between the life you're longing for and the one you're living. Then take action. Godspeed.

DEAR SUSAN: The man who won't marry but is considering moving back in with a woman who wants marriage should think twice. Seeing as she clearly wants marriage, his living with her (again) would only give her new hope -- and probably lead to the breakup pain they have already been through. This may be a pattern for both of them, but it's not a good one.

From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Choosing the same relationship -- with the same painful payoff -- may feel like free will, but actually, it's just spinning your wheels. The loving relationship that can bring traction and move you forward can't possibly come from it, because the old negative patterns are in place. For the marriage-minded woman and for this man's own anti-marriage stance, he should back out now. He should explain his exit to this woman and not let her change his mind. Both of them need fresh air (and clear thinking) to find release from this pattern that leads nowhere but to unhappiness.