Sister's guy makes offensive racial remarks

DEAR AMY: My sister is divorced. My wife and I met her boyfriend, "Trent," at her home for the first time. He's a retired executive who now owns his own business. I thought we'd meet a smart businessman who knows the importance of first impressions. Instead, he made some rather sharp political comments. We changed the subject several times. He then proceeded to a discussion of illegal immigrants and repeatedly referred to Mexicans using a slur. My good wife of 35 years is Mexican by birth and has lived in this country for 54 years. I explained to my sister that both my wife and I were offended by his comments; she apologized to my wife. My sister said they're in love and going to move in together. I care for my sister and don't want to sacrifice our relationship because of him. So what do I do next?Bothered Brother

DEAR BROTHER: Evidently, you associate business executives with respectful and responsible behavior. That was your first mistake. Your second was to confront your sister about "Trent's" behavior - and let her apologize for him.

You should have given him the benefit of knowing how you felt about his actions, thus giving him the opportunity to know you better - and to apologize to you and your wife for his offensive remarks.

You could say to him, "Trent, we didn't get off to a very good start. But I want you to know that we don't appreciate ethnic slurs, even used in jest." Give the guy another chance.

DEAR AMY: "Crazed Co-Worker" was annoyed that her officemate whispered out loud to herself while she preferred to work "in relative quiet." Work relationships are much like families. My brothers and sisters always got along because whenever we complained to my mother about one another, she always told us, "While you are busy putting up with them, they are busy putting up with you."A Happy Colleague