Something's missing from his marriage: Sex

DEAR AMY: Can a sexless marriage last? My wife and I have been married for 17 years and our sex life has been slowing down for a long time. If I averaged our sexual encounters throughout the years they would number no more than 10 times a year. My wife and I get along great and we are best friends. She is very attractive and fun to be with, but I must admit I don't know what happened to us. The strange part is that we are more friends than lovers. What causes women to lose their sex drive? There are no medical reasons for this. Then they wonder why their husbands have an affair! I don't think she would ever have an affair, so I don't think it's another man. I do want a fun and active sex life and I am starting to wonder if maybe I can have this with the right person who can balance both.

--Confused Husband

DEAR HUSBAND: Not only women lose their sex drive; my own inbox not infrequently reveals that men lose their drive, too.

You are incorrect when you assert that there are no medical reasons for this. Myriad physical and psychological issues come into play.

The way you portray your marriage -- being with your best friend, getting along well and basically living peacefully -- makes it sound ideal in many ways.

There is a high likelihood that even if you found a new partner, the same sexual dynamic would settle in if you were lucky enough to be together for almost two decades. You are fortunate to have a happy relationship to build upon.

You don't mention speaking to your wife about this. You also don't mention things you could do differently to ignite the spark and keep the flame burning.

Before you resort to making assumptions about people having affairs, you should try the universal aphrodisiac: communication. Intimacy starts there.