Stop subsidizing daughter's high-risk hobbies

DEAR AMY: I am having a running disagreement with my 24-year-old daughter about gratuitous risk taking, such as rappelling and sky diving. My daughter is a college graduate and is engaged to be married. She also is working conscientiously at a new job, but we still pay about 20 percent of her expenses. We pay her medical and car insurance, her cell phone usage and, occasionally, her rent. Twice she has gone sky diving. She pays for this "entertainment," knowing that we don't want to subsidize this kind of activity. Rappelling equipment is expensive. She and her fiance rely on this - and each other - when dangling over death drops. I've tried in vain to persuade her not to engage in this type of activity. I am trying to convince her of the preciousness of life and the effect of her death or serious injury on the rest of the family. I understand that everyday life involves risks of all sorts, and I appreciate what paratroopers can do, but paying good money to take gratuitous risks for the mere thrill of it strikes me as abhorrent. Could you shed any light on this?Worried Sick Mom

DEAR MOM: You are using your choice to subsidize your daughter as a sledgehammer to try to control her hobbies.

I can't persuade you that her choices are without risk (they're not). I can only encourage you to start to see your daughter as a grown individual who is living her life as she pleases.

She has the right to bungee jump, ride horses, go deep sea diving or leap over tall buildings in a single bound.

Your opposition to these pursuits may make them more enticing. She may make different choices, however, once she is paying her own insurance premiums.

It's time you let her pay for her lifestyle. Then you won't have to worry about subsidizing activities of which you don't approve - and she might be less tempted to parachute part of her rent money out of a plane.