Stop the music in this dangerous dance

DEAR AMY: I've been dating a man since last year. We are in our 60s and live in an upscale golfing community. Our relationship has been full of ups and downs. I found out that he was living with a woman during the time we were dating. He introduced me to her as "a friend of mine." I confronted them: "Friend?! I'm his lover!" I said. She moved out. I broke it off after more drama, but he kept calling. When I told him I would get a restraining order, he stopped. Then I offered to take him out for his birthday and we started seeing each other again. Last week he started yelling at me. I went to his place, retrieved my things and took his cellphone. He banged on my garage door and attempted to pry it open. He pounded on my front door. I know I was wrong to take his phone and planned on inviting him in for coffee in the morning, but then I felt frightened. He went to the police and said he was going to file charges. I talked to the police and he ended up being arrested on charges that include domestic violence. I have a protection order. I felt bad about it, so yesterday I brought groceries to him. I'm not willing to drop the order of protection, so now he'll probably date other women. I still want to be with him. I fear that he will get better as he goes through the court-ordered counseling. Then he'll be good to another woman and I'll miss out!

--Struggling

DEAR STRUGGLING: If you have an order of protection against this person, then what on earth are you doing bringing him groceries? Are you daring him to violate this order by having contact with you? You two are locked into a dangerous dance. And you are using the police to threaten and punish each other.

Grow up. Leave this man alone. And make sure he leaves you alone.

He may receive court-ordered counseling, but you need therapy every bit as much as he does.