Stuck at 18, he pines over girl he lost

DEAR AMY: When I was 18, I dated a wonderful girl. We had an amazing relationship, and I thought we would always be together. Unfortunately, she broke up with me when she went away to college. She moved on to dating other guys, and I had trouble adjusting to life without her. This was nine years ago. I hadn't spoken to her in five years when I found out that she got married last month. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, but it really saddened me to learn that she got married. I may be sad because I'm still single, struggling to find a teaching job and living at home. I guess I always hoped we would get back together. I look back on our time together, and it brings a smile to my face. It was an innocent and romantic time. Why do I feel this way? Is it common for people to feel sad when they find out an ex got married?Sad Guy

DEAR SAD: It's extremely common to feel sad when an ex gets married, even if years have passed since you've had contact.

The thing that makes your situation different is that you have been ruminating about this previous relationship for such a long time and are stuck in place.

Your situation -- back at home and feeling static in your own life -- means you are going to have to work harder to heal. However, this situation presents an opportunity for personal growth. I hope you can embrace this challenge as a way to force yourself to move forward.

DEAR AMY: I wanted to thank you for your "Book on Every Bed" literacy campaign. My family and I adopted this idea after reading about it in your column and now putting a wrapped book on the beds of our kids has become part of our holiday tradition!Faithful Reader

DEAR FAITHFUL: Thank you so much for spreading this simple idea.