Take the sting out of brother's remarks

DEAR AMY: I'm a high school student and feel like I am being verbally abused by my brother, who constantly tells me that I don't do things right. For example, he criticizes me for not putting dishes away after I am done with them. Whenever he criticizes me, he says things like, "You're lazy." Or he'll say, "If you continue to make these choices then you probably won't have the greatest path you can have in life." This can really get under my skin. Whenever we get into an argument, he says he's smarter than I am because I have a GPA of 3.85 and his is 4.3 (he's taken AP classes). His words hurt me and my self-esteem suffers, even if I know he doesn't really mean it. I do believe he loves me for who I am, but this bothers me. I don't know how to handle this problem.

--Hurt Sister

DEAR HURT: A big brother riding you about not cleaning up the kitchen, or saying he's smarter than you, is not verbal abuse.

People have different qualities, strengths and weaknesses. Your brother might have a better GPA, but you might be a compassionate friend (he sounds somewhat lacking in the compassion department).

He might be good at chemistry but you might be good at languages, art or geometry.

Your GPA would put you at the tippy top in my household (and most households).

Words do hurt. But they hurt less if you make a healthy choice to let the stuff roll off you that you know isn't true.

Your parents should nip this in the bud, but in any case you shouldn't leave your brother in charge of your self-esteem.

Evidently you never learned the comeback to petty sibling badmouthing. The next time he calls you lazy or dumb, you say, "I know you are, but what am I?"