Taking heat over her separation

DEAR AMY: I've been separated from my husband of 20 years for almost 10 months. The separation was mutual and we have both moved on. We are both in our early 40s and 100 percent sure of our decision. But my friends and family are not OK with this split. My husband and I never talked about our marital problems, and we always put up a good front when around other people. After we split, my sister and brother stopped talking to me. My sister has been on a gossip spree about the choice I made to separate. She feels sorry for my ex and wants us back together. On the other hand, although my ex is seeing someone he views as a possible future wife, my friends seem upset over my choice to start a new relationship. My friends asked that I not talk about the man I am seeing. They said they would not speak to him if I brought him to get-togethers.

They feel it would be a betrayal to my ex. My children (who encouraged me to separate from my husband) were the only people willing to meet him. They love him. I've been told I should ignore my sister's gossiping to maintain a good relationship with her. I'm not sure how to handle this.Separated and Satisfied

DEAR SEPARATED: If your gossipy and judgmental sister isn't speaking to you, maybe you should thank your lucky stars.

Let's stipulate that because no one realized your marriage was on the rocks, this breakup is upsetting and shocking.

You are facing a cultural double standard, where dads can change partners quickly, while moms must wait.

I suggest you acknowledge that you realize this is difficult for your friends and family but say you expect them to behave decently toward you and anyone you bring into the circle.

Introduce your new guy to your friends one at a time, starting with the most-well- behaved person.