Tell your adopted child early

My daughter will be 4 soon, and I am wondering when is a good time to tell her she is adopted? Can you recommend books to read to her on the subject?

"It's generally agreed upon among experts that children should be told from the earliest possible time, which means infancy," says Lori Kling, a Jericho-based social worker who specializes in domestic and international adoption. When you're holding the infant in your arms, say: "The day I adopted you was the best day of my life" - and the baby will sense the love.

"It's really important you get this done as soon as possible," Kling says. "The longer you don't tell, the more it becomes a burden and an issue." Your 4-year-old will follow your lead in how she views it, so avoid the "Sit down, we have to talk to you about something" approach, Kling says.

Narrate the story of your family. Explain that families are formed in many ways, and yours was formed through adoption. Tell her she grew in another woman's tummy, but that woman couldn't take care of a baby (it's critical to emphasize this so the child doesn't think it was something about her). Tell her Mommy and Daddy wanted a baby so much, and will be her parents forever.

Some book suggestions: "Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born" by Jamie Lee Curtis and Laura Cornell; "Let's Talk About It: Adoption" by Fred Rogers of "Mr. Rogers" fame, and "Motherbridge of Love" by Josée Masse and Xinran. Visit emkpress.com, which markets books specifically about adoption.