Therapist crossing ethical boundaries

DEAR AMY: For the past year and a half, my wife has had therapy with a professional psychologist. Though this woman has definitely been helpful, I question her ethics.

When we traveled to another part of the country last fall, the psychologist told my wife, "You know, I do accept gifts." Then she went on to mention her favorite packaged fish from the area we were visiting. Despite my reluctance, my wife brought this back for her. Yesterday, the psychologist asked my wife (who is a musician) if she wouldn't mind performing at her nephew's birthday party. This is a family affair at an expensive restaurant, and the psychologist suggested that my wife and I were "welcome" to get our own table. Though none of this bothers my easygoing wife, I feel her psychologist is overstepping the lines of ethical behavior. What's your take?The Questioning Husband

DEAR HUSBAND: Your wife's therapist has not only stepped over ethical boundaries, but, taking a running start, she has vaulted over them.

Your wife is paying the therapist for therapy. This exchange should not extend beyond the therapist's office. And though a relationship between the two is inevitable (and positive), your easygoing wife should realize that her therapist is manipulating and taking advantage of her.

Even if your wife doesn't mind this breach, this will inevitably interfere with the therapeutic work the two are supposed to do together.

It is the therapist's job to recognize and adhere to her professional ethical standards, not to burden her client with the issue of wondering how to enforce boundaries and manage the relationship.

Your wife should decline this musical gig. She also should discuss this issue in therapy -- and look for another therapist.

The American Psychological Association has posted comprehensive ethical guidelines on its website, apa.org. Your wife should read these guidelines.