This team player wants own hotel room

DEAR AMY: I am about to take a job at a prestigious professional services firm. My boss makes everyone stay at his house in a city out of state for regional group meetings a few times a year. We have to stay in his house, in his daughter's room, in the spare rooms, etc. I think this is wrong, and it is not something I want to do. However, now I feel like I have to do this; everyone else has been doing it for years. I could get a hotel, but it will make me seem like I am not part of the team. I worry about privacy, about feeling awkward and about my tendency not to be myself when I stay at other people's houses. What should I do?Home Alone

DEAR ALONE: I could imagine a circumstance in which this would be a fairly benign situation, but I shared your letter with John Challenger, CEO of Challenger, Gray and Christmas, a human resources consulting firm, whose reaction was unequivocal: "This might have been thought appropriate in another era, but it is not appropriate now. The boundaries are not right." The tougher call is how you should react to this.

He and I agree that you should approach the person who organized this junket and say: "I'm so excited about coming to work here. I know I can make great contributions to the team, but I would prefer for an out-of-town event at night to have my own hotel room. Is this possible?" He adds, "There is some risk to this that things might not work out at this company, but if this is so embedded in their culture, you might not want to work there anyway."

DEAR AMY: Why not give forgiveness as your present to yourself and others for the holiday season? Exchange amends -- the one gift that costs nothing and benefits both the giver and the receiver. Exchange peace instead of things!Igor and Elizabeth

DEAR IGOR AND ELIZABETH: Thank you!