Truth be told, he's not marrying kind

DEAR AMY: My girlfriend and I are nearing 40. We have our own finances. Now she's starting to hint at marriage. Having seen this before with younger, less established women, I know that once thoughts of marriage enter the picture, it almost becomes an obsession. Soon every kindness from her will seem like a ticking time bomb that accelerates to destruction. How do I relieve this pressure from her and defuse it to prevent an implosion of the relationship? I just don't want to get married.

Not a Marrying Man

DEAR MAN: The quickest way to defuse a bomb is to snip the wires before the inevitable explosion. You will do this by responding to hints with the offer of a real conversation.

You should tell your girlfriend the truth: You want to remain in a committed relationship, but that you will not get married.

She will make her own decision about whether to stay or leave.

DEAR AMY: I'm running a program of concerts for families, and some of my performers have started dressing down. Their clothing has become so casual it's more fit for the supermarket than a stage appearance, and I think it makes our sponsors look bad. I would like to see them dress nicely, as they once did. How can I make the approach without insulting them?Embarrassed

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Regardless of the age, stage or experience of the performer, when a concert is coming up, the musical director should issue an information sheet about "concert dress" that serves as a heads-up for some and a reminder for others.

Yours should read, "We are so proud of the work we do. To showcase our abilities to our fullest, we must dress appropriately for our performances. All performers must wear black slacks or skirts with white collared shirts for the concert."