Tween rants at news stepmom is pregnant

DEAR AMY: I have a 12-year-old daughter. Her mother and I have been divorced for six years. My daughter has always been the center of my world. Three years ago, I remarried. My daughter and my new wife have had an up-and-down relationship, though lately it has been good. My wife and I recently found out that we are expecting a baby. I tried to talk with my daughter about this, but she didn't want to talk about it. Last Sunday, my wife tried to tell my daughter that her daddy will always love her and that she will always be the princess of the house. We tried to be gentle, but my daughter went crazy, slamming her door and screaming that I don't love her. I tried for two hours to get her to talk to me. Her mother came to pick her up and got in the middle of it, generally making a bad situation worse. My daughter has not spoken to me since, although I have called and left messages. I understand that she was upset about this news, but her behavior was really disappointing. I want her to understand that I will always love her. What can we do?Dad

DEAR DAD: One advantage of pregnancy is its length. You have time. In the short term, ignore her appalling behavior and concentrate on her everyday issues -- school, friends, etc. Don't discuss this pregnancy with her for a month or so -- unless she brings it up.

When you talk about it, be calm and no-nonsense, and answer any questions she has.

You have offered your daughter a lot of reassurance; now you need to convey to her that everything will be fine and that she is capable of handling this change in her family. Over time, her stepmother should include her in any baby shopping, decorating, etc. She also should be invited to any baby showers.

Your daughter needs to realize that this is happening, regardless of how she reacts to it. Don't refer to her as a "princess." She is a girl, a daughter, and -- someday -- she'll be a sister.