Uh-oh, that 'summer loan' to daughter

DEAR AMY: This past summer I loaned my daughter more than $2,000. This was supposed to be a "summer loan," and she was going to pay me back in September. It is now many months later, and I have not seen a penny of repayment toward this loan. Now she is talking about buying a new television. Am I wrong for being upset? How do I ask her for this money back? I work 10 months out of the year and try to save my money so that for the two months I don't work I have some "play" money. Please help me.Upset Mother

DEAR MOTHER: Rather than wonder if your feelings are "wrong," you should devote more energy to validating your own feelings and then acting upon them.

Here's how you ask for your money back: "Honey, you owe me $2,000. I'd like to be paid back. When can I expect it?" Your daughter might react by behaving as if she is shocked by your suggestion that she should repay this money. Anticipate this and practice the encounter in advance. Assume an attitude of calm and steely resolve and deliver a consequence if this money isn't repaid.

The most obvious consequence is that this is the one and only "loan" she will ever receive from you.DEAR AMY: "Hurt Husband" described life with a combative wife who yelled at him in front of their child. I grew up with this kind of mother. It is very damaging to the child. Luckily, my father was loving and supportive, but he could never figure out how to live in a different way with my mother. "Hurt" should suggest counseling, especially because they both love their child and she would benefit from the peace it may bring to the household.Robbin

DEAR ROBBIN: Thank you for offering the child's perspective.