What's in a name? Her identity

DEAR AMY: I decided not to change my name when I recently married. It's ridiculous that I am expected to jump through bureaucratic hoops to change my name and identity. My husband, thank goodness, loves my independent streak, so it hasn't been an issue between us. I realize this position is not mainstream. My decision was based on my career and not wanting to damage the brand I had created in my niche industry. Much to my surprise, all of the men in my office (I work with only men) are doing everything possible to sabotage my decision. They introduce me in meetings with my "new" name and even went to the point of getting IT to change my email address and sending it out to all our contacts. As I was changing my email address back to my maiden name, I got a lecture from the IT guy who informed me he would never marry someone like me. Despite this, my office mates continue to address all of my correspondence and introduce me to clients and new employees using my husband's name. I've informed them multiple times that I'm not changing my name, but they are "concerned" it is insulting my husband.

--Shocked

DEAR SHOCKED: The behavior as you describe it is hazing, bullying, unethical, unprofessional and, because it is gender-based harassment, also illegal. Consult with a lawyer.

You should write a memo to your colleagues, saying, "Despite my repeated requests to be known by my legal name in this office, various colleagues have changed my email address without permission and introduced me by the wrong name in written and oral communication with clients. This needs to stop."

Document everything.

According to a 35-year study published in 2009 by the journal "Social Behavior and Personality," about 18 percent of American women marrying since 2000 have chosen to keep their names. This is hardly outside the norm.