When a date needs a smoking break

DEAR AMY: I'm in my mid-50s and I recently rejoined the dating scene. When out on a date, if the person I am dating smokes (I am a nonsmoker), what is the proper way to handle her going out for a cigarette while at dinner? Should I accompany her outside and stand around watching her smoke? Should I remain at the table waiting for her to return? Should I fake a need to use the restroom during her break? Should she refrain until we are leaving and then light up outside? Smoking doesn't upset me. I don't stop people from smoking in my car, etc. I just don't know what is the right way to address this on a date, especially on a first date. Any suggestions?

--Smoke-free

DEAR SMOKE-FREE: Your date should not leave you at the table to enjoy a smoky treat in the middle of dinner. You sound like a tolerant guy, and so you may not recognize rudeness when it's blowing smoke in your face.

It is not your job to police or correct your date, but you should definitely see this behavior as a lack of consideration toward you. A second date is not called for.

If your date lights up outside after dinner, I suggest you stand with her (upwind, please) and see this as a further opportunity to get to know her.

Take your date's smoking habit seriously; if you end up attached to a smoker, her smoking will become a big part of your life -- including the probability that it will affect your health. When someone near you smokes, you smoke.

According to the National Cancer Institute, "passive" smoking causes about 3,000 cancer deaths each year in nonsmoking people (visit cancer.gov/cancertopics).

You should also rethink your policy of letting people smoke in your car. Because it is a closed environment, you will be riding around with residual carcinogens long after the smoking passenger has departed.