When couples want different bed times

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I disagree on our sleep habits. We live in separate apartments and sleep together three to four times a week. He prefers to go to sleep after 12:30 a.m. and gets up at 9. I prefer to go to sleep by 11 p.m. because I have to get up at 7. Changing his habits would get him more sleep. I'm exhausted the next day if I have to stay up that late. I don't want to go to bed at different times; we still need that pre-sleep cuddling and togetherness time. Any ideas?Exhausted

DEAR EXHAUSTED: It is your responsibility -- not your boyfriend's -- to regulate your sleep so you don't exhaust yourself. I agree with you, however, that the person who needs the earlier sleep time should influence the overall nighty-night schedule.

I've never met anyone who shared my own quirky circadian rhythm; I tend to wander around at all hours, eating cereal and making lists.

But I still go to bed at a decent hour, because no one who is up late should pressure a partner to also stay up late.

DEAR AMY: I ask you to revisit your advice to "Ontario Grandparent" whose 5-year-old granddaughter is afraid of death. At a family gathering, an older family member was chatting happily with others when she collapsed. She was dead by the time she hit the ground. This was particularly hard for her granddaughters, ages 8 and 10. Far better than your suggestion to say, "I'm not going anywhere soon" is to teach the child that death is a part of life and it behooves each of us to make the most of what we have while we have it. Faithful Reader

DEAR READER: Your life lesson is great. But the child in this scenario had already been taught about death and had decided she wouldn't celebrate any birthdays for fear of growing older.

I felt that at this point a little mature reassurance was in order.