When on a date, leave the ex at home

DEAR AMY: After a few years of being a hermit, I recently tested the dating waters. Both of the women I went out with spent most of the time on our first date talking about their ex-husbands and ex-boyfriends, creating a situation in which I felt as if I were out with them and their exes, rather than them and me. Is this a common phenomenon?

--Perplexed

DEAR PERPLEXED: Your two dates broke the cardinal rule of first dates, which is to leave the ex at home.

You're a rookie, too - otherwise you would know that screenwriter Cameron Crowe crafted the perfect response to this breach in the great date movie "Jerry Maguire." You'll have to channel and paraphrase Renee Zellweger in this scenario, but trust me - this is a genderless classic.

When you're out on a first date and your date talks about her ex, you reach across the table, place one hand, gently, across her lips and soulfully say, "Please - let's not tell each other our sad stories." And then you change the subject.

DEAR AMY: Your letter from a disgruntled diner detailed how much she hates being called "Honey" and "Sweetie" by waitresses and the like. When I came to the U.S. from Holland, a lady behind the counter of a department store called me "Hon" for the first time in my life. I felt the American people were so kind and warm and made me feel welcome in this way. I have lived here for 46 years now, became an American and I still get that warm feeling when someone addresses me with a term of endearment like "Hon."

--Proud to be American

DEAR PROUD: I have heard charming stories from many people reporting that they (like me) find this habit endearing. However, this is dependent on the tone of the person offering it - and the spirit of the person hearing it.