Woman in a wheelchair struggles to find dates

DEAR AMY: I am a 50-year-old woman who has never been married. I have a disability from being hit by a car when I was 25. Before my accident, I can't seem to remember a period of longer than six months when I wasn't dating. Since my accident, relationships have been few and far between. I've tried just about everything - various Internet dating sites, dating groups, dating services, a dating counselor (she refused my application when she found out I was in a wheelchair) and even church (the last two guys I was attracted to asked me to introduce them to two other women whom they ended up marrying). I truly don't want to live the rest of my life alone. I'm pleasant to look at, a good conversationalist and have my MBA. How can I get others to look past the chair and see me? I live alone, own my house, drive a car and am out and about almost every day. I'm sure you'll make the suggestions I usually get when I pose this question (get involved in activities you like), but maybe, just maybe, you'll point out something the others haven't.

--Wondering

DEAR WONDERING: Your frustrations are common to other middle-age singletons. According to Census statistics released in 2007, there are more than 56 million American adults who've never married.

What you need to do is to make the life you'd want under any circumstances - traveling, forming satisfying friendships and doing fulfilling work.

During my 17 years of adult singlehood, I developed a plan to build a house with a friend and cohabit, "Golden Girls" style. That might not appeal to you, but it got me through many a lonely patch.

Find a way to stop wishing your wheelchair was invisible to others and instead celebrate the life you're actually living. Because you adapted so well to your disability, you might find fulfillment (and be useful to others) volunteering at your local VA hospital.