Woman's first role is to be a man's friend

DEAR SUSAN: A woman's role has traditionally been to enrich a man's life, whereas a man has always been necessary for a woman's happiness and success. Men have always been able to get by without a woman, yet women used to need a man. I can't help but giggle at the notion that for a woman to want to keep a man, he must also be needed. And I read everywhere that men want validation for things women do without thinking. If I dated a man who did everything for himself and didn't need me, it would turn me on. Yet as a woman, if I do everything for myself, it's often seen as a threat to the relationship. What does this tell you about gender complaints/roles?

From the Single File blogDEAR BLOGGER: It is proof positive that men are off-kilter these days, that they need reassurance from us. Men have had a difficult slog in the past few years, paying mightily for past oppressions they had no part in. The way I see it, a woman's role is to give them succor, to reach out to them -- neither needing nor wanting anything from them, but as part of the universal alliance between men and women. Let's face it; men of today are terribly unsure, hemmed in by old tyrannies and looking to us for help. The only decent move for us, female of the face, is to add our God-given strength to theirs, putting our more flexible shoulders to their brawn, a joint effort. Let's stop parsing words and get down to the worthwhile effort at hand. This is our chance to show our friendship.

DEAR SUSAN: I agree with you that independence is great -- after one learns how to make it happen. It took me 40 years to learn it, as I had a mother who could never forgive me for growing up and leaving her. Twenty years later, she's still trying to get me to come home and live with her. She constantly tells me how wrong I do things, that I should do things her way because it's the right way. And she knows how to lay a guilt trip on me when I go my own way.

From the Single File blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Tell me about guilt trips! When I was readying to leave home and live with another girl -- to be on my own and work to support myself -- my mother told me in dire tones that no "nice" boy will ever marry a girl who doesn't live with her mother. She said I'd never get married if I moved out. My therapist disagreed, saying that I'd never marry if I stayed at home with her. Listen to your instinct, and refuse to accept the guilt trip. (She can only lay it on if you accept it.) It's not easily done, I know, but in time you'll see how well your life is moving -- and how selfish a parent can be.