Worries about a felon in in-laws' house

DEAR AMY: I have always had a close relationship with my in-laws, dating back 22 years. Recently, my sister-in-law (who is a recovering drug addict) decided to live in one of my in-laws' homes along with her boyfriend. For more than 15 years, my husband and I and our now teenage children have visited these in-laws for our yearly family vacation. We found out that this boyfriend was recently arrested on charges of beating my sister-in-law. In the past, he has been arrested on charges of assault, fraud and drug possession with the intent to sell (he was in prison for this). He recently relapsed and has been caught with cocaine in his vehicle. My husband decided we should not bring the children in close contact with this man. We asked my in-laws to make sure that we would have no contact with him when we visited. They declined. We then canceled our much-cherished family trip, and they have cut off contact with my husband and me. I am distraught. Any suggestions on how to repair this?

--Sad Daughter-in-Law

DEAR SAD: Protecting yourselves and your children is your job. Don't ask your in-laws to do it.

They have already chosen to accept this person into the family circle. It is unrealistic that they would also be able or willing to protect you from him.

In addition to protecting your kids, I can imagine that you might not want to spend your family vacation interacting with a violent felon.

I completely agree with your choice.

But I think that now that you don't have to worry about your own safety, you might be worrying about your in-laws' safety.

Your husband should travel to see them. He should approach his family in an attitude of alarm and concern and do what he can to persuade them to get this person out of the family.