Best: Tillman family answers critics as film about Pat opens

Why not just shut up and move on?

Why not fade into the Northern California woods after hearing themselves called "crazy" and "media whores" and worse?

It's simple, really, for Pat Tillman's family.

"We kept thinking, had anything like this happened to any of us, what would he do?" his mother, Mary, said. "He would not have sat quietly. He would have busted down doors to find out what happened. There is no way we could sit quietly."

That they have not, from the first inklings of a story that did not seem quite right, through months, then years, of military obfuscation, through magazine and newspaper articles, books and now this: a film, "The Tillman Story,'' which opens in New York and Los Angeles on Friday.

Initially, Tillman's family was reluctant to participate, having been misunderstood before by the public, and misinterpreted by the media.

But director Amir Bar-Lev won them over and assembled a jarring series of interviews, including ones with Mary, Pat's father, Patrick, and his widow, Marie. His youngest brother, Richard, agreed to talk only after seeing an early version of the film.

For those who have not followed the story closely, the film likely will come as a shock.

For those who have, the basics are familiar but the revelation is the family itself, somehow extremely unusual and quintessentially American at the same time.

One thing is indisputable: The military picked the wrong family to mess with.

But the balancing act never ends for the Tillmans. Some relatives did go to the Sundance Film Festival to support Bar-Lev; none attended last week's premiere in New York.

"It's just kind of awkward for us to be present," Mary said. "It's not really appropriate."

So why was she on the phone last week, speaking to a reporter to help promote the film?

"It's almost like Pat's persona gave us a voice, and to not use the voice would be negligent," she said. "If people don't understand why we're doing this, then they don't."

The primary mission is to make sure this doesn't happen to others. She said she knows of four families in the San Francisco area alone who lost sons in Iraq and initially were lied to about the details.

Mary said she is disappointed the film did not address some details covered in her 2008 book, "Boots on the Ground by Dusk," which was rereleased in paperback this month.

But that is an inevitable limitation of a 94-minute film.

"Generally, we're very happy with it," she said. "The film points out that this is a systemic problem. This happened to Pat under the Bush Administration, but it happens all the time. He's not unique."

What did make Tillman stand out was his public-relations value as an NFL player who gave up that life for military service, then paid the ultimate price.

But the original narrative crumbled when it turned out he was killed not by the enemy but by American fire, and that he was a complex man with his own ideas about religion, war and everything else.

The Tillmans would not allow the military to claim Pat's story for its purposes.

"People seem to think we can't get past the fratricide," his mother said. "That's never been the case. It's understood fratricide is part of war. It's more the way everything was handled so badly."

That includes the government, the Army and the news media, a powerful axis not easy to puncture. Even now, there is no real closure.

"A lot of people are disappointed with the film and the book for the reason there are no answers, but there are no answers," she said. "The only thing we know for sure is there was a cover-up."

What's next for the Tillmans? Mary declined to provide updates on Pat's brothers, Kevin and Rich, saying only that they and Marie "are moving on with their lives in a positive way."

There likely will be no further book or film projects with their cooperation.

"It's too traumatic," Mary said. "We've dedicated so many years to this. Pat wouldn't want that. There is a point where you have to know when to stop."

For Pat's sake, the family did not stop too soon.

"Believe me, it would have been much more unpleasant for everybody if something happened to one of us ," she said. "I can't even imagine. That's what spurred us on."