Giants-Bills: The Bottom Five

Some people might blame the miscommunication between Antrel Rolle and Aaron Ross for the loss to the Seahawks. Some might blame the tip drill between Eli Manning and Victor Cruz. Others – including former middle linebackers – may blame the absence of Justin Tuck and Brandon Jacobs.

But I blame myself. Clearly I let the Giants down. I neglected to come up with a list of the Bottom Five Things to Look For last week and they went out and suffered the worst loss of the season. After all, where else would you have been able to read about the dangerous Charlie Whitehurst-to-Doug Baldwin connection before the game than a list that covers the very last few things you should be focused on?

So I won’t let the Giants down again. They need this win against the Bills and I’m here to do my part. As you know, there are many websites and blogs that will cover the top things to watch and the most important keys to the game. And yes, the Giants must avoid turnovers and run the ball and stop Fred Jackson. But the list goes all the way down to the bottom, and this is the only blog where you can cover all of the topics. So here, after a week off – and preceding another week off for the bye – is the list of the Bottom Five Things to Look For:

5. Because the game is not being broadcast on FOX, Dave Tollefson is not permitted to use his “Family Guy” Roadhouse! Sack dance. So after tackling Ryan Fitzpatrick for a loss and consulting with CBS network suits, Tollefson unveils his new “How I Met Your Mother” sack (wait for it!) dance.

4. The Giants have to burn a timeout in the third quarter when they have only 10 defenders on the field. Jacquian Williams was too distracted changing agents to hear the personnel calls.

3. Victor Cruz tosses a cup into a sideline garbage can from eight feet away. It makes the SportsCenter Top 10 Plays of the Week.

2. Shawne Merriman is so hyped up he does his “Lights Out” dance in the pregame locker room. Unfortunately he actually turns the lights out. The Bills, shrouded in darkness and chaos, lose three starters before they take the field when they sprain ankles tripping over chairs and stumbling into lockers.

1. The Giants bench Eli Manning and replace him with Jennie Finch.