God Squad: Interpreting 'signs' from God
I read the question and answer that you wrote several weeks ago concerning the 12-year-old boy uncertain of the existence of God and life after death. Here is my story of why I believe.
A few weeks ago, I was told that I might have cancer, and I needed to have a biopsy. I am relatively young with two children, one of whom is 12 like the boy from the question. One morning as I walked to the train for work, after the cancer news but before the biopsy, I found myself thinking about my situation. While I was scared for myself, I was more frightened for my children. I asked in my head and to no deity in particular, for a sign that I would be cancer free. I wanted to be certain of the sign, and so I asked to see something uncommon. For some reason, I asked to see as my sign a tiger with the face first and the body behind.
The work day came and went. After dinner, I found myself flipping channels for something to watch when I landed on a baseball game, the Texas Rangers vs. the Detroit Tigers. I sat watching the TV, and just for a moment the camera panned to a realistic statue of a tiger at Detroit Stadium. Face first, body behind it. Two weeks later, I got my results. I am cancer free.
D, via email
Your story of faith and healing raises the question of when a lucky sign or fortunate coincidence is something more -- an actual communication from God. You believe that God was giving you a sign that you would be all right. I want to believe that, as well, but I am just not sure. Let's say that after you saw the tiger, you discovered that you did have cancer. Would you still believe? Or conversely, what if you saw no tigers but still found out that you were cancer free. Is good news without a sign a miraculous reason to believe?
Let me tell you a story I rarely tell about my own tiger-sign from God.
Twenty-four years ago at Passover/ Easter time I was living in New York, and I was offered a position in another synagogue in Florida. It was a very large synagogue, it had a school with many children, and it was near very good golf courses. For some reason, I just could not make the decision to accept their kind offer and to become their rabbi. So, for the first and only time in my life, I, like you, asked God for a sign. I remember saying, "God, I am embarrassed to ask for a sign, but I do not know what to do. I will serve you with my life, but I just don't know where you want me to serve you."
Your need for a sign was on a much higher spiritual level than my need. You wanted a sign to know if you would live. I wanted a sign to know if I was going to live in Florida. Anyway, the next day I went over to News 12 Long Island to do a brief interview. Passover and Easter were close together that year, and the news person wanted to ask me and some priest about the differences between Passover and Easter. I told them, "There are no chocolate bunnies in Passover, and there is no horseradish in Easter." Obviously, my mind was somewhere else. Afterward, I spent a long time talking to the priest, whose name was Tom Hartman. I told him that he seemed like a fine fellow but that I was going home to accept a position in Florida, and I would not see him again. Tommy just looked at me and through me and said in a quiet but firm voice, "You are not going there." I looked at him incredulously and asked him if he was in the habit of intruding himself in other people's lives. He said, "I have never said anything like this before, but, last night in my dreams, God came to me and said to me that I would be meeting someone today and that I was supposed to tell him, 'You are not going, because I am not through with you here.' "
I could not speak, and I could barely breathe. We became the God Squad that day (Tommy has since retired from the column due to illness), and he became my best friend. I called Florida and thanked them but declined the offer. They were astounded and asked why. I told them, "I asked God for a sign, and God sent me an angel to deliver the message." I think they said, "Rabbi, we are glad you turned us down because you are nuts."
So, my dear D, we are both a little nuts but in a good way. I believe in signs and angels and God finding us in strange ways, but I am way too modest to imagine that we can figure out any of this with precision. We should not make our faith dependent upon gifts or angelic communications from God. We don't make our love for each other dependent on gifts or signs, so why should our love of God be any different? We are small animals (smaller than tigers), and yet we imagine that we can decipher the most sublime mysteries. I try to follow the wisdom of Deuteronomy 29:29, "The secret things belong unto the Lord our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children forever . . . ."
