Sibshops focuses on children who have family members with disabilities
Siblings JT O’Fee, left, and Ryan O’Fee with their mother, Debbie O’Fee, in front of their Massapequa Park home. Credit: Newsday/Thomas A. Ferrara
As sisters to a big brother with autism, twins Kaitlin and Emma Dougherty know the challenges of being a sibling to someone with special needs.
The 11-year-olds from Massapequa said they love their brother, Matthew, 13, unconditionally, and know he needs their support. Seeking to address the needs of siblings, the Massapequa school district offered an after-school program called Sibshops designed specifically for children who have a family member with special needs. It wrapped up in June.
Kaitlin liked the program “because it gives me a place to talk with other kids about the ups and downs of having a sibling with special needs,” she said.
Kaitlin, left, Matthew and Emma Dougherty in front of their Massapequa Park home.
Credit: Newsday/Thomas A. Ferrara
Emma said the group allowed kids to “make friends with someone like them.”
The district launched Sibshops in 2020, but because of the COVID-19 pandemic, it didn’t run in-person until this past school year. The program served about 12 students ages 6 to 15 who met once a month after school in the spring. It is expected to be offered again next school year.
The sessions ran for about an hour and a half and included icebreaker activities, discussion activities and games.
Alyssa Elias, a school psychologist in the district, said that while parents are often offered training and have access to specific organizations, the resources seemed scant for siblings of students with special needs.
“There are some concerns and challenges that siblings face, and by connecting with a peer support group, they are able to talk about their concerns,” she said.
After doing research, Elias found the Sibshops program and proposed it to the district. Sibshops started in Seattle in 1982, and there are now about 500 Sibshops offered throughout the world, including about 20 in New York. There are just a handful on Long Island and hardly any are offered in-school.
Elias was trained to become a certified Sibshops provider. The program was held at the McKenna Senior Center at a local elementary school.
“There are many different aspects of Sibshops, but most importantly we want them to just have fun,” Elias said.
Former Massapequa student Julia Hahl, 25, agreed to help run the program. Hahl, who works for the district, has two siblings on the autism spectrum — a brother and a sister. Her younger sister is still in the district, and her school psychologist asked if she wanted to assist. She wished there was a program as such when she was a student.
“I think it was a long time coming," she said. “I am so grateful it is offered to the siblings, and I see a difference each month. They open up more and more to me, and it is phenomenal to support these children.
“I do think the siblings of those who have special needs are forgotten about.”
The founder of Sibshops realized siblings experience many of the same challenges that parents of special-needs children face but without a similar network of support, said Emily Holl, director of Sibling Support Project based at the nonprofit Kindering in Bellevue, Washington, where the program is administered. Siblings may have feelings of resentment and might not receive the same amount of attention from their parents as their special needs sibling, she said.
Sibshops aim to offer peer support group with a fun twist. It's not difficult to start such a program, Holl said, and mostly requires someone to become a certified Sibshop facilitator through training offered by the organization. She said new Sibshops open every year.
In Massapequa, there is no charge to the parents and it is only open to children in the district.
"It is tremendously empowering to connect with people who are walking a similar path and who understand your experience," Holl said.
Debbie O'Fee, co-president of the Massapequa school district's Special Education Parent Teacher Association, has two sons, JT, 15, who is neuro-typical, and Ryan, 13, who is autistic. She said her family always has made considerable efforts to provide opportunities for JT.
But that can sometimes be a challenge.
"We as parents experience a lot of mom guilt because of the demands the children with special needs put on us," she said. Having a space just for JT such as Sibshops "is a way for us to be assured that a qualified person is helping them express some of their concerns."
JT just finished up his third year in the program and served as a mentor to the younger children in it, as well as an advocate for children with special needs, O'Fee said.
"He has a real interest in promoting more inclusive opportunities," she said. "I am very proud of that, and that is why Sibshops is so important."
WHAT TO KNOW
- The Massapequa school district offered an after-school support program called Sibshops designed specifically for children who have family members with disabilities.
- The district launched Sibshops in 2020, but because of the COVID-19 pandemic, it didn’t run in-person until this past school year. The program served about 12 students ages 6 to 15.
- There are now about 500 Sibshops offered throughout the world, including about 20 in New York. There are just a handful on Long Island.
Joie Tyrrell is a Long Island native and covers education for Newsday, where she has worked since 1998.
