The cost of being alone: Loneliness takes huge toll on Long Islanders physically, emotionally
Whitney Jordan, 34, of Huntington Station, has battled issues of loneliness and social isolation since she was a youth. She is not alone in her experience. Credit: Newsday/J. Conrad Williams Jr.
Whitney Jordan always felt like she was by herself, even when she was with family and friends.
Jordan, 34, of Huntington Station, who suffers from schizoaffective disorder with bipolar, has battled issues of loneliness and social isolation since she was a youth.
"I pulled away from social interaction just because I didn't feel like I belonged," said Jordan, who has four children, ages 5 to 16, and receives services from the Association for Mental Health and Wellness in Ronkonkoma. "Family members have parties and I wouldn't be invited. And I always felt like no one wanted me around and that I was by myself constantly."
Jordan is not alone in her feelings of isolation.
On Tuesday, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy declared widespread loneliness a public health epidemic that poses risks to Americans as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes per day.
An 81-page report from Murthy's office found that about half of all U.S. residents report experiencing loneliness — a crisis that only deepened during the COVID-19 pandemic when schools, houses of worship, workplaces and most gathering spaces closed their doors, sending many Americans into isolation away from family and friends.
"Loneliness is far more than just a bad feeling — it harms both individual and societal health. It is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death," Murthy wrote in the report, adding that extended solitude can be even more harmful than obesity. "And the harmful consequences of a society that lacks social connection can be felt in our schools, workplaces, and civic organizations, where performance, productivity, and engagement are diminished."
Research shows that Americans spend significantly less time with family and friends than they did 20 years earlier. Meanwhile, social isolation, exacerbated by the use of social media, has increased by an average of one full day each month, the report found.
Adam Gonzalez, a licensed clinical psychologist and the founding director of Stony Brook University's Mind-Body Clinical Research Center, said loneliness can lead to spikes in depression and suicidal ideation.
"When people are experiencing loneliness, they can sometimes turn to unhelpful coping methods like alcohol use, substance use, social isolation and further avoidance of people, which can be counterintuitive to the experience of loneliness," he said. "And that can also exacerbate the problems that are linked with loneliness."
Kathy Rosenthal, senior vice president for programs at the Huntington-based Family Service League, a social service agency that supports vulnerable Long Islanders, said they're continuing to see the ripple effects of virtual schooling where students fell behind not only academically but developmentally and socially.
These issues, she said, can manifest into tragic results, including a rash of suicides among Suffolk students since the pandemic.
"COVID exacerbated the time [kids] were spending on their devices, and social media in particular," Rosenthal said. "And we have seen directly, through the people that we've observed, the pernicious outcomes of youth who don't have the developmental acumen to process what's real and what's not real."
Among those facing the burden of loneliness, depression and isolation are homebound seniors, according to Lisa Stern, assistant vice president of senior and adult services at the Family & Children's Association, a Mineola nonprofit that assists vulnerable Long Island children, families and seniors.
For the past eight years, FCA has operated the Friendly Visiting Program, where volunteers of all ages make weekly visits to homebound seniors. Last year, the group launched the Senior Community Assistance Program, which provides a small stipend to low-income seniors who provide companionship, help with technology and do light chores such as shopping and cooking, to homebound seniors. To date, FCA has matched nearly two dozen homebound seniors with companions through the program.
"They can go to a senior center with them if they need assistance. They can enjoy community activities with them," said Stern, a licensed clinical social worker. "A lot of these seniors have trouble getting out. It's also someone checking on them on a regular basis for people who don't have family or a lot of friends."
Laurie Monterosso, 75, of Garden City is a volunteer in the Friendly Visiting Program, who for the past six years has made weekly visits to the East Meadow home of Eleanor Ciantro, a 93-year-old homebound senior.
"It's a win-win situation," Monterosso said. "I enjoy her company as much as she enjoys mine. We're really good friends now."
Ciantro, who lives alone, acknowledged: "It gets lonely sometimes … but then we get together and have a cup of tea and cookies. And it's so nice having her."
Loneliness can be particularly acute for individuals who are living with mental illness, said Colleen Merlo, chief executive officer of the Association for Mental Health and Wellness, a nonprofit that provides programs for individuals facing chronic and serious mental illness.
"Some of the people that we engage with say 'no' to a lot of opportunities to socialize, because they either don't have the mental energy it takes to socialize or they feel anxious in social situations," said Merlo, adding that the stigma around mental illness also creates barriers to socialization, even among family members. "So, they tend to withdraw and say 'no' to invitations, and then they say 'no' to another invitation. And before too long, the invitations stop coming. It's a huge concern among our population."
On the other end of the spectrum, young people, data shows, have been particularly hard hit by the epidemic of loneliness, with individuals ages 15 to 24 reporting a 70% decline in time spent with friends, from roughly 150 minutes per day in 2003 to 40 minutes per day in 2020, according to Murthy's report.
Experts contend the prevalence of social media has served as a replacement for face-to-face interactions among youth.
"In some ways, we've never been so connected," said Merlo, who is a licensed social worker. "But we're lacking that in-person, one-to-one connection. And what we're finding through research is that connections made online are not as meaningful as being in a room and sharing space with someone. So people can have thousands of followers on TikTok or Instagram and not really be connecting with those people in a meaningful way."
Whitney Jordan always felt like she was by herself, even when she was with family and friends.
Jordan, 34, of Huntington Station, who suffers from schizoaffective disorder with bipolar, has battled issues of loneliness and social isolation since she was a youth.
"I pulled away from social interaction just because I didn't feel like I belonged," said Jordan, who has four children, ages 5 to 16, and receives services from the Association for Mental Health and Wellness in Ronkonkoma. "Family members have parties and I wouldn't be invited. And I always felt like no one wanted me around and that I was by myself constantly."
Jordan is not alone in her feelings of isolation.
WHAT TO KNOW
- The U.S. Surgeon General on Tuesday issued a report declaring widespread loneliness a public health epidemic that poses risks to Americans as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes per day.
- On Long Island, homebound seniors, individuals with mental health issues and young people are among the groups struggling with loneliness and isolation, according to mental health experts.
- Experts contend that the COVID-19 pandemic deepened the crisis, as schools, houses of worship and workplaces shut their doors, sending many Americans into isolation away from family and friends.
On Tuesday, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy declared widespread loneliness a public health epidemic that poses risks to Americans as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes per day.
An 81-page report from Murthy's office found that about half of all U.S. residents report experiencing loneliness — a crisis that only deepened during the COVID-19 pandemic when schools, houses of worship, workplaces and most gathering spaces closed their doors, sending many Americans into isolation away from family and friends.
"Loneliness is far more than just a bad feeling — it harms both individual and societal health. It is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death," Murthy wrote in the report, adding that extended solitude can be even more harmful than obesity. "And the harmful consequences of a society that lacks social connection can be felt in our schools, workplaces, and civic organizations, where performance, productivity, and engagement are diminished."
A change over 20 years ago
Research shows that Americans spend significantly less time with family and friends than they did 20 years earlier. Meanwhile, social isolation, exacerbated by the use of social media, has increased by an average of one full day each month, the report found.
Adam Gonzalez, a licensed clinical psychologist and the founding director of Stony Brook University's Mind-Body Clinical Research Center, said loneliness can lead to spikes in depression and suicidal ideation.
"When people are experiencing loneliness, they can sometimes turn to unhelpful coping methods like alcohol use, substance use, social isolation and further avoidance of people, which can be counterintuitive to the experience of loneliness," he said. "And that can also exacerbate the problems that are linked with loneliness."
Kathy Rosenthal, senior vice president for programs at the Huntington-based Family Service League, a social service agency that supports vulnerable Long Islanders, said they're continuing to see the ripple effects of virtual schooling where students fell behind not only academically but developmentally and socially.
These issues, she said, can manifest into tragic results, including a rash of suicides among Suffolk students since the pandemic.
"COVID exacerbated the time [kids] were spending on their devices, and social media in particular," Rosenthal said. "And we have seen directly, through the people that we've observed, the pernicious outcomes of youth who don't have the developmental acumen to process what's real and what's not real."
Homebound seniors vulnerable
Among those facing the burden of loneliness, depression and isolation are homebound seniors, according to Lisa Stern, assistant vice president of senior and adult services at the Family & Children's Association, a Mineola nonprofit that assists vulnerable Long Island children, families and seniors.
For the past eight years, FCA has operated the Friendly Visiting Program, where volunteers of all ages make weekly visits to homebound seniors. Last year, the group launched the Senior Community Assistance Program, which provides a small stipend to low-income seniors who provide companionship, help with technology and do light chores such as shopping and cooking, to homebound seniors. To date, FCA has matched nearly two dozen homebound seniors with companions through the program.
"They can go to a senior center with them if they need assistance. They can enjoy community activities with them," said Stern, a licensed clinical social worker. "A lot of these seniors have trouble getting out. It's also someone checking on them on a regular basis for people who don't have family or a lot of friends."
Laurie Monterosso, 75, of Garden City is a volunteer in the Friendly Visiting Program, who for the past six years has made weekly visits to the East Meadow home of Eleanor Ciantro, a 93-year-old homebound senior.
"It's a win-win situation," Monterosso said. "I enjoy her company as much as she enjoys mine. We're really good friends now."
Ciantro, who lives alone, acknowledged: "It gets lonely sometimes … but then we get together and have a cup of tea and cookies. And it's so nice having her."
Loneliness can be particularly acute for individuals who are living with mental illness, said Colleen Merlo, chief executive officer of the Association for Mental Health and Wellness, a nonprofit that provides programs for individuals facing chronic and serious mental illness.
"Some of the people that we engage with say 'no' to a lot of opportunities to socialize, because they either don't have the mental energy it takes to socialize or they feel anxious in social situations," said Merlo, adding that the stigma around mental illness also creates barriers to socialization, even among family members. "So, they tend to withdraw and say 'no' to invitations, and then they say 'no' to another invitation. And before too long, the invitations stop coming. It's a huge concern among our population."
On the other end of the spectrum, young people, data shows, have been particularly hard hit by the epidemic of loneliness, with individuals ages 15 to 24 reporting a 70% decline in time spent with friends, from roughly 150 minutes per day in 2003 to 40 minutes per day in 2020, according to Murthy's report.
Experts contend the prevalence of social media has served as a replacement for face-to-face interactions among youth.
"In some ways, we've never been so connected," said Merlo, who is a licensed social worker. "But we're lacking that in-person, one-to-one connection. And what we're finding through research is that connections made online are not as meaningful as being in a room and sharing space with someone. So people can have thousands of followers on TikTok or Instagram and not really be connecting with those people in a meaningful way."
TIPS TO MANAGE LONELINESS
- Join a class or club that can provide a sense of belonging.
- Volunteer for a cause that you believe in.
- Attend a support group for those also dealing with issues of loneliness.
- Adopt a pet to provide a sense of companionship.
- Strike up a conversation with a stranger.
- Put down the cellphone and engage with people around you.
SOURCE: Long Island medical and mental health experts
Robert Brodsky is a breaking news reporter who has worked at Newsday since 2011. He is a Queens College and American University alum.
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